The dreaded "m" word (thank God no one reads this)
So apparently I'm quite as good at keeping this thing updated as I had initially thought; guess I just don't have anything to say. And since my loyal audience consists of, well, me, I'm starting to feel like this is a much more private diary, and really just a writing tool than a real blog. But please, if anyone actually reads this, let me know; it'll make me feel a little less crazy, but probably a lot more embarrassed about what's on my mind today.
Relationships.
Yes that evil word. And you know immediately it's an evil word, because no one ever writes about their relationship when they are happy, no ones writes to brag, just when they're upset. But don't get me wrong here, I'm completely happy in my relationship. I love my boyfriend more than I could ever tell him. This is where the trouble comes in. The fact is, I may actually love him too much, I may potentially be too happy in my relationship. I am so happy in this relationship and so in love with my boyfriend that I actually want to marry him. *gasp* I know, I said the dreaded "m" word. In fact his reaction was much that way. How dare I bring up the "m" word when he still has things to accomplish?
The fact of the matter is, that I've really felt God laying it upon my heart to move forward and to get married. (I know, I said the "g" word. The unmentionable "g" word. With all these unmentionables it's no wonder my readership is at zero, but I digress...) I just feel like it's the natural progression to move forward and after more than two and a half years, we're now just running on the treadmill and not going anywhere. And it's not that I don't like where we are, I just think that moving forward could be a good thing. It could make things that are already great, even better. And it's gotten to the point where I can barely sleep anymore, I can barely think about anything, because a thought about this will flit into my mind and I just get knots in my stomach. I mean, maybe I'm crazy, or maybe my anxiety has chosen a new thing to take a hold of. I just don't know, but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to spend my time trying to convince him that it wouldn't be the end of the world to marry me. I never thought that I would be that girl. I never thought that I would try to convince someone to marry me, who doesn't want to. I never even thought I would want to marry someone who so obviously doesn't want to marry me. Or more truthfully someone who just may not want to get married at all. And the thing is, I don't know what to do, and I'm starting to feel like a crazy person, or perhaps just like a crazy person has taken over my body and made me act like this. But I'm freaking out, and it's that time of year so marriage is everywhere. Every website has a link or an article and every newspaper has an advertisement and every second television commercial is for another bridal show in Toronto. Not to mention the fact that everyone I know is asking when I'll be getting married, and at least a half a dozen people demanded to see my left hand right after Christmas (though one person asked if I got any "bling" for Christmas which was quite funny) The fact is, I have marriage and weddings on the brain and I'm going insane over this. I want to marry him.
Why doesn't he want to marry me?
Relationships.
Yes that evil word. And you know immediately it's an evil word, because no one ever writes about their relationship when they are happy, no ones writes to brag, just when they're upset. But don't get me wrong here, I'm completely happy in my relationship. I love my boyfriend more than I could ever tell him. This is where the trouble comes in. The fact is, I may actually love him too much, I may potentially be too happy in my relationship. I am so happy in this relationship and so in love with my boyfriend that I actually want to marry him. *gasp* I know, I said the dreaded "m" word. In fact his reaction was much that way. How dare I bring up the "m" word when he still has things to accomplish?
The fact of the matter is, that I've really felt God laying it upon my heart to move forward and to get married. (I know, I said the "g" word. The unmentionable "g" word. With all these unmentionables it's no wonder my readership is at zero, but I digress...) I just feel like it's the natural progression to move forward and after more than two and a half years, we're now just running on the treadmill and not going anywhere. And it's not that I don't like where we are, I just think that moving forward could be a good thing. It could make things that are already great, even better. And it's gotten to the point where I can barely sleep anymore, I can barely think about anything, because a thought about this will flit into my mind and I just get knots in my stomach. I mean, maybe I'm crazy, or maybe my anxiety has chosen a new thing to take a hold of. I just don't know, but I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to spend my time trying to convince him that it wouldn't be the end of the world to marry me. I never thought that I would be that girl. I never thought that I would try to convince someone to marry me, who doesn't want to. I never even thought I would want to marry someone who so obviously doesn't want to marry me. Or more truthfully someone who just may not want to get married at all. And the thing is, I don't know what to do, and I'm starting to feel like a crazy person, or perhaps just like a crazy person has taken over my body and made me act like this. But I'm freaking out, and it's that time of year so marriage is everywhere. Every website has a link or an article and every newspaper has an advertisement and every second television commercial is for another bridal show in Toronto. Not to mention the fact that everyone I know is asking when I'll be getting married, and at least a half a dozen people demanded to see my left hand right after Christmas (though one person asked if I got any "bling" for Christmas which was quite funny) The fact is, I have marriage and weddings on the brain and I'm going insane over this. I want to marry him.
Why doesn't he want to marry me?
posted by Shannon at 7:29 PM
1 Comments:
Have you talked about it? Has he said that he's not ready because of career, etc? Is he scared of the whole marriage concept as a whole? After two and a half years, you need to have The Talk. Tell him what you want.
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